Independence Day!

Recently, a friend started fertility treatments. Unfortunately, their first treatment failed :( I tried to muster up my most helpful words of encouragement, hope, faith and strength. Easier said than done. After 6 years, it was difficult to find the words of optimism that we all need when we are down. The platitudes of "It will happen," "It was only your first try," "Don't give up, it took my other friend 6 times to get pregnant," seemed to be just words of comfort with little truth behind them. I have heard them month after month after month from family, friends, and co-workers. But then again, aren't those the same words that have kept me going back month after month after month to try one more time?

I finally found the words for my friend that rang with truth and still had that element of comfort and compassionate, but without the false platitudes. I told my friend that the best way to get through the hardships of infertility is to do it with your partner. No one else "gets it" like they do. No one else sees every hot flash, every mood swing, every pill that you take, every shot in the thigh, every tear that falls out of disappointment and frustration, or the 3 minutes of anticipation while we wait to read the test. And no one, NO ONE, will be as happy when that test comes up +.

I followed that insightful comment with some advice: When the treatments fail, do something spontaneous and fun that makes all of your friends with kids jealous! Celebrate your couple time! This doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive, just spur of the moment. Bobby and I can pack up and leave at a moments notice for vacations, nights out, dinners, movies, boat and bike rides, etc. without worrying about having a babysitter, a kid being sick, waking up at some God awful hour in the morning with a crying baby or packing for anyone but ourselves.

I look back at the last 6 years at all of the things we have done together that we couldn't have done had children come right away. That is time that will forever be precious to both of us. We also had time live and love together, to work as a team, manage a budget, a household, chores, etc.

During our first years of marriage we began trying for a baby. After 2 years we became pregnant and lost our baby at almost 12 weeks. Marriages crumble under much less stress than that. But as a strong couple, we have navigated the harsh realities of miscarriages and infertility and become stronger (minus some bumps in the road) for it! Could we have done that right out of the gate? Maybe or maybe not.

The harsh reality is that one day we might wake up to the realization that having a baby is just not going to happen for us. But at least I know that if that day comes, I will still have a strong and healthy marriage to hold me up. And really, isn't that the type of relationship we want to bring our children into anyway? It isn't easy, that is for sure, but it is so worth it in the end.

This weekend we celebrate Independence Day. Bobby and I are celebrating our "no-kids" status by having a party on our boat, having adult cocktails and watching the fireworks. We plan to celebrate the independence that is afforded to us now, in the hopes that next year we may have "other" things to be taking care of, if you get my drift! Do the same!