Only in Pictures

"God knew you were suffering and you needed a rest. He broke our hearts to prove he only takes the best."

My Facebook status today says it all. Last night, a great man was taken from this Earth before his time. But Dean went with peace and dignity, and after days of being surrounded by people who loved and respected him. He was met in Heaven by many, but especially his BIL Scott, who has been messing with this family since his own passing almost 2 years ago. I can only imagine what the two of them are going to pull on this family now. Everyone hide your hair brushes and check the air in your tires ;) I know, I know, if you didn't pick on us how would we know you loved us!

But the deaths in our family over the past few years have a great impact on me. The loss of wonderful people hurts that much more because I realize that it is another person that my children won't get to know. I can't help but think that if I hadn't miscarried or had gotten pregnant when we first started trying, that my babies would know Scott, my grandpa and Dean. Now they become people they will see in pictures and hear stories about. But can that ever capture the entire spectrum of qualities they possessed in human form? I guess it then becomes the job of our family to make those that we have lost special in the eyes of my future children.

Rest in Peace, Dean . . . and say "Hi" to Earnhardt for me!

Happy Mother's Day

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say:

"A Mother has a baby
this we know is true."
But God can you be a mother
when your baby is not with you?

"Yes, you can," he replied
with confidence in his voice.
"I give many women babies;
when they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay."

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here
He took a deep breath and cleared his throat
and then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you,
what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
with all the other children and say . . .

"We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
of love and life and fear,
my mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a mom
who had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
my mommy set me free.

I miss my mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
on her pillows where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here"

"So you see my dear sweet ones
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in my home
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,
until your lessons through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother
it's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize
you are a mother,
Until their time is done
they'll be up here with me one day
and know you are the best one."

~Author unknown

Time Out

Well, 3 strikes and you're out!

After yet another unsuccessful round of fertility treatments, we are taking a time out. Not sure for how long or when we will get back at it, but we definitely aren't quitting. And honestly, can you think of a better time to take a break than during the warm, summer months.

Here are the benefits of not TTCing (Trying To Conceive) during the summer:

1) A cocktail tastes 10 times better on a party barge in the middle of the Mississippi than any place else. Can't drink during treatments
2) Being able to go out on the boat, swim, tube and horse around with my nephews without that stupid voice in my ear saying, "What if you are pregnant, you shouldn't be doing this!"
3) Shed some pounds! Fertility drugs are HARD on the body and make me gain weight like you wouldn't believe. What better time of the year to walk, run, play football, etc. to burn some calories and shed some pounds.
4) Did I mention the cocktails? :) I did, ok just checking!

So I am going to spend the next few months relaxing and working on me! And if you are out on the river or hanging on the beach, and you hear, "Got my toes in the water, ass in the sand, Not a worry in the world, a cold drink in my hand . . . Life is good today!" It's me singing so come over and say hello!